i am lauren michelle.
i am a happy person... most of the time.
i do not judge people from their actions... i am not jesus.
i am a nice person most of the time... but if i don't like you SORRY i am the biggest bitch you will ever meet.
i am quite emotional, but i am not the type to spill out my troubles on someone. except my best friends. because they're not just "some body". they are my best friends, and they are classified as "best" for a reason.
i am not the desperate type.
i am not stupid. do not talk to me like i am one.
also, i am not a stupid girl. do not talk to me like i am one.
i am not looking for a boyfriend. or a commitment. at the moment.
but, i am looking for fun. and no, that does not mean sex or anything of that nature.
i am not looking to be played, and i am not looking for a fling.
if anything, i am looking for someone to just be with, just to hang out and have fun for once. have a good time and not feel so god damn pressured. seriously.
i am not looking for the best looking or smartest guy. i just want someone to make me laugh, laugh like "lmfao". he can't be girly, and he can not... CANNOT be clingy.
not at all. i do nottttt like clingy people at all, i think that clingy people are like... self conscious and shiet. and i think that no one in this world should feel self concious about themselves.
i am not clingy. i think its the biggest turn off.
i am not full of myself. if you think that then that's your opinion.
i don't think that anyone should be looked down to. people who look at someone and think "i'm prettier than you" or "i'm smarter than you" like UGH go fxck yourself! it's the rudest thing.
i am grateful what i have and who i have in my life.
i am officially doing my own thing. i've been living in my past, and i think it's time for me to move on. dunzo. new chapter.
i am doing me. if you don't like it... byebye!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
you got one shot.
Our love was great,
inevitable like fate.
we hit it off, engraved in the memory
cause it's all in the past, yet when i see ya you're still so friendly.
waited so long for you to realize what you're missin,
but now i see: pointless days and nights spent wishin
wishin that you're still 'mine', hopin you would take the time.
i'm done and i'm through
i'mma do me, so you just do you.
^ I was doing my nails, and I painted the first coat and I was like, 'aw they look so nice! like they're perfect".
but then i did the second coat... and it's like why the frigg did I even ruin the nails? Now i Can't even fix it cause it's gonna look worse than it did. you can't make anything look better if they already look terrible.
So I came to the conclusion, I can't redo things.
One chance, and if you blow it then you blow it.
Things can't be done twice with me. either we got it or we dont.
apparently we didn't, don't push it this time.
you can't fix anything that was already broken.
you can't love if you just don't anymore.
inevitable like fate.
we hit it off, engraved in the memory
cause it's all in the past, yet when i see ya you're still so friendly.
waited so long for you to realize what you're missin,
but now i see: pointless days and nights spent wishin
wishin that you're still 'mine', hopin you would take the time.
i'm done and i'm through
i'mma do me, so you just do you.
^ I was doing my nails, and I painted the first coat and I was like, 'aw they look so nice! like they're perfect".
but then i did the second coat... and it's like why the frigg did I even ruin the nails? Now i Can't even fix it cause it's gonna look worse than it did. you can't make anything look better if they already look terrible.
So I came to the conclusion, I can't redo things.
One chance, and if you blow it then you blow it.
Things can't be done twice with me. either we got it or we dont.
apparently we didn't, don't push it this time.
you can't fix anything that was already broken.
you can't love if you just don't anymore.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I'm not angry or anything at the moment. like i'm actually happy
but today i was at the mall with my mom and my dad.
they're divorced. before, my dad wasn't happy about the divorce. he was sad
he missed my mom he was miserable. and seeing him like that made me miserable too because i missed him and my mom being together
i know that their relationship while they were married was farrrr from functional. it was actually really really terrible. but like still... sometimes i wish that they would've just stayed together
sometimes i wish that my dad wasn't the way he was. maybe then my mom wouldn't of had a shitty life. maybe my brother would be different. maybe my sister wouldn't have to pretend to be so tough and independent.
i bet you don't know half of the shit i've been through. i'm definitely not boosting about it but i feel that i've been through a lot. it's been happening all my life. maybe this is the reason i act the way i act? i dont really know
people take advantage of the little things, like your parents sleeping peacefully every night. or having everyone in the family at home. or eating dinner as a family. or seeing your parents have a little laugh.
i hardly ever had that. or i actually don't see that anymore.
why couldn't i be part of a functional family? with parents who love each other forever and ever? why is there always yelling in the house? why does my mom have to leave? why do we have to leave? why is he throwing things? why is the police always involved? when will it stop?
^ the questions that were going through my head at like 7 years old...
everything is different now obviously, but it's so sad. i still cry about it all the time. because i can't spend the holidays with both my parents at the same time. or because i didn't have that "normal childhood". my parents would fight on the daily! and it would be really serious, sometimes too much to handle. and my dad would say and do really mean things to me. and my mom. and my sister. and my brother.
when i found out my mom had a bf i was happy for her but at the same time i was sad. something in my mind thought that my parents were gonna get back together. i wanted her to be happy, but i wanted my dad to me happy too.
my dad didn't know about her bf, until he dropped me off at home one time and he saw my mom's boyfriend's car in the driveway. my dad's face was so sad. when i got in my room i cried my eyes out. it's like i know that he still had hope. and like, how much would it suck that the person you love was with someone else? it was obvious that my dad regretted everything in his life and he felt bad for everything he's done.
when i think about the bad stuff that happened in the past.. i just put it in the back of my mind. but i can't live in the past anymore.
i was at the mall with my mom and dad today, and my dad has a girlfriend now. i think that he's moved on.
when my mom and my dad were together today, it was peaceful. they were joking around
and hugging
why couldn't they just be like that when they were together? then they wouldn't of had to get divorced and we could all be happy.
when me and my mom went in the car, omg she started crying so hard. she was like "it's really over"
i got so confused, but i started crying too. because she said something that i already knew.
everything is really over. all their feelings for each other are gone.
and my mom was sad because she never thought she'd feel like that. she wished that they were happy like that when they were married too.
she wanted to have a happy family just as much as me.
but they're over. they're over.
my dad's happy , my mom's happy, so why can't i be happy with them? i guess i just haven't gotten over the fact that my parents will never be happy together again. i feel that without my dad, my house isn't a home. like there's no structure.
sometimes there isn't even anyone home to talk to.
i want a family like the ones in t.v. shows and movies. i can't have everything i want though.
everything happens for a reason. that's what i tell myself.
but today i was at the mall with my mom and my dad.
they're divorced. before, my dad wasn't happy about the divorce. he was sad
he missed my mom he was miserable. and seeing him like that made me miserable too because i missed him and my mom being together
i know that their relationship while they were married was farrrr from functional. it was actually really really terrible. but like still... sometimes i wish that they would've just stayed together
sometimes i wish that my dad wasn't the way he was. maybe then my mom wouldn't of had a shitty life. maybe my brother would be different. maybe my sister wouldn't have to pretend to be so tough and independent.
i bet you don't know half of the shit i've been through. i'm definitely not boosting about it but i feel that i've been through a lot. it's been happening all my life. maybe this is the reason i act the way i act? i dont really know
people take advantage of the little things, like your parents sleeping peacefully every night. or having everyone in the family at home. or eating dinner as a family. or seeing your parents have a little laugh.
i hardly ever had that. or i actually don't see that anymore.
why couldn't i be part of a functional family? with parents who love each other forever and ever? why is there always yelling in the house? why does my mom have to leave? why do we have to leave? why is he throwing things? why is the police always involved? when will it stop?
^ the questions that were going through my head at like 7 years old...
everything is different now obviously, but it's so sad. i still cry about it all the time. because i can't spend the holidays with both my parents at the same time. or because i didn't have that "normal childhood". my parents would fight on the daily! and it would be really serious, sometimes too much to handle. and my dad would say and do really mean things to me. and my mom. and my sister. and my brother.
when i found out my mom had a bf i was happy for her but at the same time i was sad. something in my mind thought that my parents were gonna get back together. i wanted her to be happy, but i wanted my dad to me happy too.
my dad didn't know about her bf, until he dropped me off at home one time and he saw my mom's boyfriend's car in the driveway. my dad's face was so sad. when i got in my room i cried my eyes out. it's like i know that he still had hope. and like, how much would it suck that the person you love was with someone else? it was obvious that my dad regretted everything in his life and he felt bad for everything he's done.
when i think about the bad stuff that happened in the past.. i just put it in the back of my mind. but i can't live in the past anymore.
i was at the mall with my mom and dad today, and my dad has a girlfriend now. i think that he's moved on.
when my mom and my dad were together today, it was peaceful. they were joking around
and hugging
why couldn't they just be like that when they were together? then they wouldn't of had to get divorced and we could all be happy.
when me and my mom went in the car, omg she started crying so hard. she was like "it's really over"
i got so confused, but i started crying too. because she said something that i already knew.
everything is really over. all their feelings for each other are gone.
and my mom was sad because she never thought she'd feel like that. she wished that they were happy like that when they were married too.
she wanted to have a happy family just as much as me.
but they're over. they're over.
my dad's happy , my mom's happy, so why can't i be happy with them? i guess i just haven't gotten over the fact that my parents will never be happy together again. i feel that without my dad, my house isn't a home. like there's no structure.
sometimes there isn't even anyone home to talk to.
i want a family like the ones in t.v. shows and movies. i can't have everything i want though.
everything happens for a reason. that's what i tell myself.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
SO SICK
eff you fever, EFFFF YOU.
my eyesss are burninggggggg, nbdd.
So when it comes down to it, people are only living for themselves. That's what i love most about the world... 8-) I don't blame em though
my eyesss are burninggggggg, nbdd.
So when it comes down to it, people are only living for themselves. That's what i love most about the world... 8-) I don't blame em though
Friday, October 16, 2009
i kind of love life. just kind of though.
So like I don't really have a complaint in the world right now.
I'm in such a "it's whatever" mode atm , where like I don't really give a fcuk
that's kinda not good but... yeah i don't care.
Nothing really bothers me anymore, because there's no point in getting worked up for stupid shiet.
getting alright in school. pretty good actually. but i should really start trying again. i could get so much better.
Happy the weekend's here.
Then one more full week... and mommadukes is GONE! (Y)
woooooo to that!
and then the statesssssss:)
shopping & road trips > chocolate. and ice cream cake.
Yeah. Just saying.
So like I don't really have a complaint in the world right now.
I'm in such a "it's whatever" mode atm , where like I don't really give a fcuk
that's kinda not good but... yeah i don't care.
Nothing really bothers me anymore, because there's no point in getting worked up for stupid shiet.
getting alright in school. pretty good actually. but i should really start trying again. i could get so much better.
Happy the weekend's here.
Then one more full week... and mommadukes is GONE! (Y)
woooooo to that!
and then the statesssssss:)
shopping & road trips > chocolate. and ice cream cake.
Yeah. Just saying.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Love the one you're with
Hola!
"Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love."
^ That is the truthhhhhhhhhh.
First day back to school since friday, and I swear my teachers are speaking a different language.
My Goodness! I feel so stupid in class, haha I hate that.
But whatevs,
it's almost friday :) woot woot woot!
On another note, I'm dead tired. Today I did this whole like presentation video shiet, filming for it... took like 3 or 4 hours but it was worth it cause it's done!
Off to bed.
"Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love."
^ That is the truthhhhhhhhhh.
First day back to school since friday, and I swear my teachers are speaking a different language.
My Goodness! I feel so stupid in class, haha I hate that.
But whatevs,
it's almost friday :) woot woot woot!
On another note, I'm dead tired. Today I did this whole like presentation video shiet, filming for it... took like 3 or 4 hours but it was worth it cause it's done!
Off to bed.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Hey Theree.
I haven't felt the need to blog in a while, caught up in other things like school, homework, family, friends, sleeping. SLEEP <3!!!!!
but since i've been sick the past 2 days (fml) i have nothing TO do except watch tv.
hahaha, but I'm kinda bored of the t.v. now sooo what a better way to pass the time ?
Everything is whatever now, I'm learning that things can't always go my way.
Even when I want a billion things, I know that I can't have it ALL.
What a great life lesson I'm finally beginning to understand!! 8-)....
But I'm enjoying everything that comes at me, I kinda like surprises :)
I'm trying to live one day at a time, live in the present.
Because I'm always reminiscing and looking ahead- Living in the past and planning my future.
But maybe, just this once, I can forget about what happened in the past, be happy right now, and be excited about what's gonna happen next!
The best things happen when you least expect 'em. :)
but since i've been sick the past 2 days (fml) i have nothing TO do except watch tv.
hahaha, but I'm kinda bored of the t.v. now sooo what a better way to pass the time ?
Everything is whatever now, I'm learning that things can't always go my way.
Even when I want a billion things, I know that I can't have it ALL.
What a great life lesson I'm finally beginning to understand!! 8-)....
But I'm enjoying everything that comes at me, I kinda like surprises :)
I'm trying to live one day at a time, live in the present.
Because I'm always reminiscing and looking ahead- Living in the past and planning my future.
But maybe, just this once, I can forget about what happened in the past, be happy right now, and be excited about what's gonna happen next!
The best things happen when you least expect 'em. :)
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I don't really know what's worse,
knowing that someone you truly love doesn't feel the same, or knowing that they cannot live without you.
Knowing that they cannot live without you, literally. You are the only one who they can talk to, be themselves around, and the only person in the world left for them.
Maybe you don't understand how I feel, maybe you do.
Whatever, it still doesn't change anything.
Cause I was sitting and thinking about this and it's hitting me hard. I'm the only one for you, there's no one else in your life that has a true significance. Because you lost everyone.
And you think it's your fault, because of your stupid actions.
I'm practically the only one who stuck with you and never gave up on you because i know you and I know that you say things you don't mean and I know that you do things that you wish you could take back
The things you said and the things you've done to me and especially the ones I love hurt and they never left me. I still remember everything to this day, but I choose to forget about them sometimes because I know that deep down you're a really good person.
And now you have no one, the only woman you've ever loved is gone. Out of your life, that is. But she's happy now, and I wish you were too
I really don't want to see the day you realize the one that still has your heart has given hers to someone else.
because I know you want it back, I know you want everything back.
I see it in your eyes, you miss everything.
But I'm still here so don't blow it
I want you to love again.
I want you to be happy (like you were before)
I want everything to go back to normal(but I know it cant)
I just want you to smile, your genuine smile (that must have died with you)
'cause I love you.
knowing that someone you truly love doesn't feel the same, or knowing that they cannot live without you.
Knowing that they cannot live without you, literally. You are the only one who they can talk to, be themselves around, and the only person in the world left for them.
Maybe you don't understand how I feel, maybe you do.
Whatever, it still doesn't change anything.
Cause I was sitting and thinking about this and it's hitting me hard. I'm the only one for you, there's no one else in your life that has a true significance. Because you lost everyone.
And you think it's your fault, because of your stupid actions.
I'm practically the only one who stuck with you and never gave up on you because i know you and I know that you say things you don't mean and I know that you do things that you wish you could take back
The things you said and the things you've done to me and especially the ones I love hurt and they never left me. I still remember everything to this day, but I choose to forget about them sometimes because I know that deep down you're a really good person.
And now you have no one, the only woman you've ever loved is gone. Out of your life, that is. But she's happy now, and I wish you were too
I really don't want to see the day you realize the one that still has your heart has given hers to someone else.
because I know you want it back, I know you want everything back.
I see it in your eyes, you miss everything.
But I'm still here so don't blow it
I want you to love again.
I want you to be happy (like you were before)
I want everything to go back to normal(but I know it cant)
I just want you to smile, your genuine smile (that must have died with you)
'cause I love you.
Friday, August 28, 2009
quickie
I am tired
Whenever i friggen blog I'm always tired
but seriously, right now I'm so tired
I need to start getting into proper sleeping patterns cause uhhh
Hell's bout to start in like 1 week
BOOOOOO!
so I'mma update on my life tmrw. :)
Whenever i friggen blog I'm always tired
but seriously, right now I'm so tired
I need to start getting into proper sleeping patterns cause uhhh
Hell's bout to start in like 1 week
BOOOOOO!
so I'mma update on my life tmrw. :)
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